Jumping into an Artist in Residence experience - the beginning

I recently completed four weeks as an artist in residence. Before I started, I felt a bit nervous about the financial implications, the expectations of myself, the outcomes, the day to day. I tried to put some thoughts on paper to rationalise everything.

I sometimes struggle to think of myself as an artist and instead tell people that I ‘draw pictures for a living’. Whilst this is true, it’s also true that I’m an artist. Maybe it’s because I straddle the world between being an illustrator and being a painter. Maybe it’s because I have this childhood idea of artists being ‘someone else’, that famous name we’ve all heard of, who’s talent knows no bounds and who inhabits an unattainable plane of expertise without a life of sacrifice, blood, sweat, tears and the loss of part of an ear. Maybe it’s just because I don’t believe in myself.

Ultimately, it’s a combination of the above. I’m not scared of hard work, I’m well aware that being an artist has a depth and breadth to it that makes the creative world so incredibly exciting to be a part of, without us all trying to emulate Van Gogh. It is definitely true that I have issues believing in myself.

Stepping into a period of dedicated art making, in the form of an artist’s residence at @tactilesociety is an opportunity for me to experiment with colour, technique, composition and to hone my artist voice. I intend over the next month to enjoy a journey that has no set destination, but may result in a few pieces of work that ignite a spark that allows me to shift my mindset to start believing in myself and plan a series of works that I can complete once I get into a dedicated studio space mid year.

I’m excited and full of trepidation, still (at this point) feeling as though I am ‘pretending to do art’. But I’m hopeful that once I get absorbed in the process and the ideas in my mind start to shake loose onto paper and canvas, the self belief will start to grow.

Hopefully I won't spend all of my time procrastinating making tea, then drinking the tea and staring into space/ pulling a 'thinking' face wondering what on earth to do next. I'll let you know!